# How to Deal With Pressure From Parents

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## Metadata
- Author: [[Gary Vaynerchuk]]
- Full Title: How to Deal With Pressure From Parents
- Category: #articles
- URL: https://medium.com/@garyvee/how-to-deal-with-pressure-from-parents-bd3a36ef071d

## Highlights
- They love their folks and don’t want to upset them, but at the same time, they want to go out and do what they
- Having some disagreements with your parents in the beginning is better than having 60 years of problems from the resentment you’ll feel for them down the road.
- your parents will be proud of you in the end no matter what.
- You’re better off having problems with them now (in the short term) than for the rest of your life.
- The problem is, it’s your life and it’s going to end up one way or the other.
- They’re not responding to you. They’re responding to what they grew up with and what they believe religiously. Right?
- Either 1) your parents love you and will respond to you, or 2) they love you but they’re so deep into their structure — it’s been religion their whole life that they’re incapable to break through and see it in a different way.
- Because you’re not actually hating your parents, you’re hating yourself for not having the balls to do it.
- It is practical, Mom / Dad for me to go 18 months and just do and discover myself. I’ve been doing the thing for you my whole life, and it’s time I do something for me.
- Yeah well, it’s just because of the pedigree, the education, and how much they’ve sacrificed, I don’t want to disappoint them.
- You start with “Mom / dad I love you. I’m 23 years old. I did [college] for you. Now I have to do something for myself. It’s high risk / high reward, but when you’re 23 that’s what you do.
- “Mom I love you with all my heart. I’m so thankful for your sacrifices, all I need is 18 months — I can’t live with this regret in my 30s, 40, or 50s because I’m going to crack and be a broken man. I need 18 months, and I promise if I can’t get traction, I’ll go wherever the hell you want me to work.
- It’s time for you to lecture your parents back. One of you is gonna be right. Let me promise you one thing: You really, really don’t want to be 47 and hate your parents.
- That might not feel “real” to you right now. But when you’re 29, when you’re 42, when you’re 61, you’ll realize that that the thing you were doing to make your parents happy is what ultimately will destroy your relationship with them.
- Because that’s exactly what’ll happen if you live your life for them.
- I’m telling you right now I don’t think you’re going to do it, and if you do do it, you’re going to do it half-assed. So help me understand what you’re scared of, tell me the truth.
- Listen, “easy for me to say” because your dad might punch you in the mouth, right? I get it. But here’s what’s interesting about a lot of my advice:
- appeasing your parents is a long term vulnerability to your relationship. Because eventually, you will resent them.
- It’s black and white. Like, you know your parents. Clearly your signals and nuances haven’t worked because they continue to want you to go down that path.
- And if you can’t support me in that, that’s fine. I prefer you do, but I’ve got to do this as a man.”
- Disappoint for 18 months, and then make them feel good again.I love you for that. It means you’re appreciative and you love your parents. Tell them the truth, start with that